Saturday, October 25, 2014

The Professional, High-Functioning Bipolar Patient

I came across this very interesting article by Laura Yeager on the "professional, high-functioning bipolar patient." The article discusses the author's experiences with her bipolar disorder and her ability to maintain normalcy in her life (career, family, mental stability). She details about a dozen questions that bipolar sufferers have struggled with: religion, the decision to bear offspring, medication, hospitalization, and relapse among other topics.

When I've gone to DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance) meetings I've been one of (if not the only) highest functioning person in the room. The other people I met were either out of work on disability or between hospital stays or in the midst of a depressive episode. Don't get me wrong, bipolar disorder is a chronic illness. I've personally found that relapse is pretty common. I've been depressed three times and manic three times. I've also been hospitalized three times. I understand what it feels like to be in the midst of an episode. I understand how debilitating it is.

When I went to my first DBSA meeting last year I found the meeting to be simultaneously therapeutic and damning. I had never been to a meeting before so I didn't know what to expect. Prior to this support meeting, I hadn't thought much about my bipolar diagnosis. It had been six years since my first and only hospitalization. Yes, I took medicine nightly and I couldn't stay awake past 11pm (if I did I was groggy the next day; the meds I was on were highly sedating), but other than that I didn't think much of my disorder. All that changed in April 2013. I started to feel high. Like manic high. And I was worried. I spoke to my therapist about my concerns, but I felt like I needed to talk to people living and coping with the disorder. My therapist didn't think it was a good idea. He didn't want me associating with people he said wallowed in the dysfunction of their disorder, people who made their illness their whole life.

I went to the support group despite his concerns.

It was a small group of people. About 10-12 people of various ages and races/ethnicities. But about 75-85% of the people present were in the throes of an episode: either one had just ended or they were currently symptomatic. There was no professional clinician. So it was the blind leading the blind. There were lots of tears. I even cried myself. I shared my story. A story I had not discussed with anyone other than my therapist. I heard other people's stories. I felt understood.

But the next day I wound up in the hospital for 10 days. The support group was a trigger. It was very emotional and draining.

It is hard to be around lower functioning bipolar people. I've only been to two DBSA meetings. The second meeting was better than the first. But I still was one of the highest functioning people present. Maybe people who have a good handle on their disorder don't need a support group?

You know what else I've noticed? I haven't seen manic people in any of my three hospitalizations or at the support groups. I did meet one in IOP (Intensive Outpatient Therapy) this year. My thoughts on mania is that a manic person probably doesn't consider themselves sick. They feel on top of the world. They are bursting with productivity and energy and creativity. Why change that? Medicine would lessen or deaden these feelings.

In this instance, I'm kind of an oddity. I've never been hospitalized for depression; I only go to the hospital when I'm manic. For me, the mania is a lot more destructive than the depression. I managed to go to work everyday last year while depressed. But when the mania started, I needed to admit myself immediately. The mania gets out of control.

But to bring it all back to the start of this post, I would love to meet large numbers of highly-functioning bipolar people. I know they exist. Just look at all of the famous artists, poets, writers, and actors who have used their bipolar disorder and the ensuing creativity to their advantage.

17 comments:

  1. I found it interesting when you said for you being around lower functioning people was a trigger for you. The opposite seems to be true for me. I have Bipolar and I work as a psychiatric nurse. The patients I take care of are constant reminders for me to stay grounded. I work full time, pay my bills and raise a son. I read Laura Yeager's article and found it to be so true.

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    1. Wow! A psychiatric nurse. That's great. Having a diagnosis must make you a more empathetic and understanding nurse. When I've come across lower functioning mental health patients, I've felt grateful that my bipolar is under control (for the most part). And I really appreciated Laura Yeager's article.

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  2. Wow I felt the absolute same about the DBSA meetings. I am a resident physician with well-managed bipolar I and aside from a couple close friends I have had a very difficult time finding folks in the mental health community that I can identify with. We need to start a new group.

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    1. Glad to "meet" you! I love hearing about highly functioning diagnosed people. Since writing this post a few months ago I've joined a support group on Facebook that I've found really helpful. It is specifically for women of color who deal with mental health issues. But I agree, there needs to be groups that exist for the wide spectrum of consumers. Every one's experiences are so varied.

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  3. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Most people think I'm either crazy or arrogant and reject the idea that I may be ill. A high functioning bipolar support group would be nice, but something tells me that is hard to find.

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    1. Thank you for reading. Isn't it so interesting how differently the disorder manifests? There is such a spectrum of how it impacts one's ability to lead a stable life. I still have not found a high functioning consumer support group. But as I mentioned in the previous comment, the online support group I'm part of on Facebook has been really good.

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  4. Would love to connect with other high functioning professional patients. Its hard facing my new career, my life, and my disorder alone at 23. Thank you for writing this beautiful article. If anyone else would like to connect my email is dawalters4@gmail.com. Thank you!

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    1. Thank you for the compliment and for reading! I was 23 when I was diagnosed; I am 31 now. It is tough, the prospect of doing it all alone. I hope you find "your people." Everyone needs people.

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  5. Hi Monique. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I was just doing a search for "High Functioning Bipolar Support Groups" as I'm in a similar boat. I was diagnosed as Bipolar II when I was 18, though recently a Psychiatrist questioned that diagnosis, probably because I've only been hospitalized that first time and lead a pretty stable work and personal life. Regardless, I consider the diagnosis correct, but I have always been on the up and up and suffer mostly from Depression when I do suffer at all. It would be amazing to find a support group of "high functioning" bipolar/similar conditions people, as I fear that while I sometimes find grounding in helping people going through similar issues, I am also sometimes very triggered by the extremity of their situation, which in short, is not so good for me. Anyway. Hope to read more from you. All the best.

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    1. Thank you for reading about my experiences. Congratulations on your stability! What do you do to stay stable? I agree, sometimes other diagnosed people can be triggering. It's a tricky road to walk, wanting to seek support and be supportive to others without getting triggered. All the best to you as well!

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  6. Thank you all for sharing your stories. It is affirming to hear others discuss managing careers and personal struggles while living with bipolar disorder. I am a social worker and was diagnosed four years ago. Monique, I would love to learn more about the Facebook group that you've found helpful. I am also a woman of color.

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  7. Hi: I'm Laura Yeager. So glad you guys liked my article about professional, high-functioning bipolar "patients." This blog post originally appeared at empowher.com, a women's health website. I wrote a weekly blog for them back in 2009. I have decided to go back to writing for empowher.com, not on a weekly basis, but occasionally. Check out the new adventures of Laura Yeager (the original PHFBP) at empowher.com.

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    1. Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog. And thank you for writing your article. There was such a need for it. I'm looking forward to reading more from you :)

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  8. I just read this and have been off-and-on searching for other bpd people who are high functioning. I've been trying to explain it to me relatively new partner about it but he doesn't quite understand. It's hard because I am trying to explain that the choices choices I make are imperative to my health. He is respectful of my commitment to my health but I can tell that he doesn't quite understand. I don't want him to have to see me in an episode. I've been stable for a few years now and have worked really hard to get to this point. Anyway just wanted to share!

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    1. Welcome Crystal! And congratulations on your years-long stability! What healthy choices do you make that have helped you stay stable for so long? The longest stretch I did was 6 years. Currently I've been stable for a year. Best of luck to you and thanks for sharing :)

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  9. Most high functioning bipolar people would never let you or anyone know they were bipolar, which is why it is hard for these people to connect and find each other.

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  10. I also have "high functioning" BP. I was diagnosed at 23 after getting very high on hash and never coming down. Medication, a balanced lifestyle where I have to weigh out sleep over other fun, exercise and a partner who shares our family responsibilities is how I stay sane. Im also a therapist in private practice. As a mother, wife and professional I have a lot to lose if I have another manic episode, so self-care is my priority. Great to meet others who cope with this invisible illness and are living full lives.

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