tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63954280245016259802024-03-19T19:09:19.582-04:00Manic Monique's Meanderings: My Journey to WellnessMy story of living, working, and loving with bipolar disorder. Welcome to my journey!Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.comBlogger114125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-23355722379152506172017-01-15T14:03:00.000-05:002017-01-15T14:03:07.394-05:00Happy New YearHappy New Year, dear Readers!<br />
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One of my New Year's resolutions is to blog at least once per month. After I published my 5-part mania series in October, I stopped writing. I'm hoping to change that and to write more consistently.<br />
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After my most recent manic episode (September 2016), I had a lot of self-reflecting to do. I grew tired of taking my meds, so I began to take them inconsistently last summer. I didn't notice an immediate impact, but my spotty pill taking would eventually lead to a manic episode. Because of the consequences, I'm still kicking myself in the ass about that decision not to take my meds as prescribed.<br />
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There were two major consequences: more credit card debt and grad school fallout. I've accepted the fact that I'm in credit card debt, so when all was said and done, I did cringe at having a higher balance, but I've accepted that I spend when I'm manic. In the future, I'm hoping to use my mom and my fiance to help me control the spending. (Yup, fiance! I proposed when I was manic. We had been discussing getting married for a few months, so it wasn't entirely a manic, impulsive decision).<br />
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However, unlike the spending, I'm still struggling to come to terms with the grad school fallout. At the start of the fall semester, I was enrolled in three classes and a yearlong internship. After I became manic, I, along with the school administrators and my internship supervisor, decided that I should withdraw from my internship so I could focus on my recovery. Two of the three classes that I was taking were tied to the internship, so once I withdrew from one I had to withdraw from the others. That left me in one class.<br />
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No longer interning three days per week, I began applying for full-time work. I figured that if I couldn't at least intern, at least I could make some extra money. At the end of October I began working at a nearby high school in a position that fits into my needs. This job is a one-year assignment, so it'll end in June when the school year does. That is perfect for me and my grad school schedule. I'll hopefully work at a summer enrichment program for students/camp. Then, come September I'll be interning again.<br />
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Even though leaving the internship was best for my well-being and recovery, I can't help but feel disappointed. Disappointed that I won't be graduating when I originally thought. Disappointed in myself, because I brought this on myself. And disappointed that I won't be in classes with the two good friends I made in my program. I feel stagnant. Even though I know it's only temporary.<br />
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<br />Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-18047729390394696012016-10-21T09:07:00.001-04:002016-10-21T09:07:23.612-04:00Dear Future Manic Self<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>This is Part 5 in a 5-Part Series: </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>"<span style="text-align: center;">When the World is Too Bright: An Intensive View of Mania from On the Ground"</span></b></div>
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(Read <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/mania-5-what-how-why.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a>, <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/mania-haikus-using-heightened.html" target="_blank">Part 2</a>, <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/self-care-in-action-via-photos-bipolar.html" target="_blank">Part 3</a>, and <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/pet-therapy-and-mania.html" target="_blank">Part 4</a> Here)</div>
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Dear Future Manic Krystal,<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mania and you go together like peanut butter and jelly.
After five manias in nine years, it seems pretty inevitable. And this is okay.
You have learned how to cope and manage with the episodes. You have a system in
place. You have the support, encouragement, and help of loved ones. You are not
alone, Darling.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So don’t fear future manic episodes. Yes, an episode can be
a bit scary because you don’t know how high you’ll get or how destructive it will
be. But, Baby, you’ve lived through this before. Let me remind you. Five.
Times. 2007. 2013. 2014. 2015. 2016. If you’ve noticed, the last four years
have been particularly challenging for you with multiple manias and
hospitalizations. But guess what? This mania, you managed without the hospital.
This is the first time you have ever accomplished this. This, Baby, is
progress. You are learning and growing and maturing in how you handle and
manage the mania. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Just relish this for a moment: you are manic but you are not
in the hospital. That is huge! Even your therapist recognized it in your last
session. You have managed by coordinating care with your psychiatrist, your
therapist, and IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program). You have recognized, yet
again, how important your psychotropic drugs are to your mental and mood
stability. Some people can manage without medicine. You are not one of those
people. And that’s okay! Really. It is. Everyone is an individual so why wouldn’t
their needs be individualized, too?<o:p></o:p></div>
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I think you charged about $5,000. But even that is progress.
Let’s celebrate every milestone. Considering that in the past you have charged
upwards of $10,000 at a time, $5,000 isn’t <i>too</i>
bad. Keep it in perspective. Do not beat yourself up. Despite the high
balances, your credit score is over 740. Just recognize that spending sprees
come with the territory. In the future though, please give your credit cards to
your accountability partner. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Despite the spending, the mania is not an all-bad
experience. During your fourth mania (2015), you incorporated two businesses. During
this, your fifth mania (2016), you managed to make one of the businesses into something
beautiful. You turned the life coaching company you incorporated into a
wellness coaching company. While manic, you wrote three curricula for the
company, planned a strategic and targeted audience to market to, met with a
small business mentor, solicited feedback from your friends and social media
contacts via a Google Form survey, and worked with an incredible graphic
designer to create a company-specific logo and forthcoming website. In short,
you got a lot done. And it’s great work. The creativity and productivity worked
in your favor. Yeah, you barely slept and you literally worked around the clock
but you created something permanent and important.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lastly, the mania is not a curse. I know you used to feel
like your diagnosis was a source of suffering. But, Darling, do not take such a
negative view of the mania. You do not suffer from bipolar disorder; you live with bipolar disorder. You happen to get
manic more than you get depressed. Thus, your default mood is slightly more elevated
than the average person. That is okay. You are you. Relish in your uniqueness.
Bipolar, and mania in particular, have granted you some amazing gifts.
Appreciate them. Gifts such as being able to tell your story through blogging, connecting
with an international readership, meeting incredible women of color in your
social media support group, starting a memoir, and choosing to re-learn to
speak Spanish. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Be proactive; choose how you see the cup. Is it half full or
half empty? Your outlook on life actually shapes your experiences of life. To live with bipolar disorder is not the worst thing. Always remember that, Darling.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Love,<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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Your current hypomanic/manic self (2016)<o:p></o:p></div>
Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-15560516615284600382016-10-20T08:37:00.003-04:002016-10-20T08:37:43.529-04:00Pet Therapy and Mania<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>This is Part 4 in a 5-Part Series: </b><br />
<b>"<span style="text-align: center;">When the World is Too Bright: An Intensive View of Mania from On the Ground"</span></b><br />
<b><span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="text-align: center;">(Read <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/mania-5-what-how-why.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a>, <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/mania-haikus-using-heightened.html" target="_blank">Part 2</a>, and <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/self-care-in-action-via-photos-bipolar.html" target="_blank">Part 3</a> Here)</span></b></div>
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I moved back home with my mother a few years ago for
financial reasons. Now that I’m back in graduate school, it’s been an even
bigger help. My mom has a teensy tiny Yorkie, named Brandi. Brandi can be a
handful! She loves to give sloppy kisses and to sleep on top of your head or
under your back. She’s also a bit aggressive (aren’t the smaller dogs always
are?!) with other dogs and some people. But she can be a sweetheart.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When I started to feel manic, I’m sure she sensed it. She
followed me around even more than usual. Most nights, she chose to sleep with
me rather than in her own bed or with my mom. And I appreciated every minute of
it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When I have been hospitalized or have attended IOP
(Intensive Outpatient Program) in the past, we have done pet therapy with dogs.
I am no animal lover, but there is something about animals loving on humans
when we don’t feel our best. It is an immediate mood booster and spirit lifter.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Or in the case of my mania, it slows me down and takes me
out of my head. When caring for Brandi, if my mom forgets, I have to remember
to feed her and take her for walks. I have to say that it is nice not to have
the full responsibility of caring for Brandi, but I do appreciate her presence
in my life.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqmiX5fyl30veywK9Mfua_C_HJWSnwKAwSeyoNnt2hDIX38nrWvQzeqp2lEN7CdFZT5Ej5q9Hy_0JJBqqDBFAz-_HTmRuY0BMDZFHhlSvhbIgvZB-ikhZtTDimOuw-nLkBDWwbxrv0MJk/s1600/brandi+kiss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqmiX5fyl30veywK9Mfua_C_HJWSnwKAwSeyoNnt2hDIX38nrWvQzeqp2lEN7CdFZT5Ej5q9Hy_0JJBqqDBFAz-_HTmRuY0BMDZFHhlSvhbIgvZB-ikhZtTDimOuw-nLkBDWwbxrv0MJk/s320/brandi+kiss.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
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Brandi’s kisses. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5JjryAx5k51S_7iCKppOu9bJhtCgmf6p3ZpynrEK6WDp5zL54ocL4LGvz65B8V61WsFhbjIoOK98iS4a-LG6ifS_2aAkKx6waRtdvdedRz591-XTxlunbn7kU-GJJ8Xs8Fy7-ao1Jsig/s1600/brandi+cuddling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5JjryAx5k51S_7iCKppOu9bJhtCgmf6p3ZpynrEK6WDp5zL54ocL4LGvz65B8V61WsFhbjIoOK98iS4a-LG6ifS_2aAkKx6waRtdvdedRz591-XTxlunbn7kU-GJJ8Xs8Fy7-ao1Jsig/s320/brandi+cuddling.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Cuddling with Brandi. <b> </b></div>
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<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzsQlmk7AK0XQ6T_bHCkrF67mMI497fXOjA0fCuG_JPCrpZ0SUjPoLqlvXuCazntdeZEO2xgll7WBsZCN8vX_T2p72ocjd9wulyAwA2qkwCANHxGQfVYuybZ_cPDBr7x-3iwnkrl75jPk/s1600/brandi+backyard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzsQlmk7AK0XQ6T_bHCkrF67mMI497fXOjA0fCuG_JPCrpZ0SUjPoLqlvXuCazntdeZEO2xgll7WBsZCN8vX_T2p72ocjd9wulyAwA2qkwCANHxGQfVYuybZ_cPDBr7x-3iwnkrl75jPk/s320/brandi+backyard.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Lounging in the backyard
with Brandi. </div>
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I work; she plays.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTGiM2OImJMFhaxOmtooYTXIW8PEwANtn755tBab1QXO2xuRjLCi27ECWucmw6kVsH4aG5mHuA49FvpVd3vWHwpXIAfwVJJRwFmP7tnL4O6Lg4O_kUVeza8GLhrJIQxWYzEsGc-0SaHHk/s1600/IMG_2684.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTGiM2OImJMFhaxOmtooYTXIW8PEwANtn755tBab1QXO2xuRjLCi27ECWucmw6kVsH4aG5mHuA49FvpVd3vWHwpXIAfwVJJRwFmP7tnL4O6Lg4O_kUVeza8GLhrJIQxWYzEsGc-0SaHHk/s320/IMG_2684.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Out for a walk.</div>
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Trying to get a head-on shot with her is so hard! <o:p></o:p></div>
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Brandi – look at the camera!<o:p></o:p></div>
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She loves the sun! <o:p></o:p></div>
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She will seek it out wherever it lands in the house.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-60753862504590323242016-10-19T08:23:00.002-04:002016-10-19T08:23:15.465-04:00Self-Care in Action via Photos: A Bipolar Consumer’s Attempt to Stave off Mania<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>This is Part 3 in a 5-Part Series: </b></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="text-align: center;">When the World is Too Bright: An Intensive View of Mania from On the Ground"</span></b><br />
<b><span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="text-align: center;">(Read <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/mania-5-what-how-why.html" target="_blank">Part 1</a> and <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/mania-haikus-using-heightened.html" target="_blank">Part 2</a> Here)</span></b></div>
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I fancy myself an iPhone-photographer/Instagram-photographer! I love taking pictures throughout my week to document where I've been, what I've eaten, and what I've seen. However, I'm not much of a selfie taker. In fact, if you scroll through my Instagram feed, you'll notice that I post more photos of "stuff" (such as food, places, things) instead of people.</div>
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When I noticed that I was becoming manic, I decided that I wanted to document as much of this experience as possible - both through words (blogging) and photographs. What follows are the images of me engaging in self-care in an attempt to stave off a full-blown manic episode and a potential hospitalization. I was overly ambitious with the first two pictures, where I made collages of that day's self-care. However, after the first two days, I no longer possessed the wherewithal to sit still long enough to make cutesy collages of text and images.</div>
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This is an old acupuncture picture.</div>
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The other photos here are from that first Monday in September 2016.</div>
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On Tuesday, I had lunch with a friend and wrote a few
mania-themed haikus.<o:p></o:p></div>
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My bedroom always gets extremely messy when I am in
the throes of depression or mania.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This day, I took the time to straighten up.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuPr-YGtzaWV6uMAlg0uPxY24afcYC-M3JgTggPBbEKu-Y4XU35BTfV0tlx21zW3zIb6Y1PwDIAB_-6xArJnf_Iq2zhWuT5k-EewO8bN5lJkc-qwgwa_t1IOB0VvNou5uoGtbrB94JZ-A/s1600/IMG_2821.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuPr-YGtzaWV6uMAlg0uPxY24afcYC-M3JgTggPBbEKu-Y4XU35BTfV0tlx21zW3zIb6Y1PwDIAB_-6xArJnf_Iq2zhWuT5k-EewO8bN5lJkc-qwgwa_t1IOB0VvNou5uoGtbrB94JZ-A/s320/IMG_2821.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
This
was at one of my acupuncture sessions. My acupuncturist showed me <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
a
move I could do to ground myself. Mania lives in my head, so I literally have
to bring <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
my
head and heart closer to the earth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ-SvavzwqCgMQyycUyR7HpmIIIhMsm1XdFRPkGkvarsVZvhmUbELRmXM6NvF-WwSXEAMNh7BXXdqlY-A6DAuRbuf_23vIAbgr4oMVqQvDLoB3EvlO6IU-oj8s6QWU1-cXECgAtQhPbnY/s1600/IMG_2823.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ-SvavzwqCgMQyycUyR7HpmIIIhMsm1XdFRPkGkvarsVZvhmUbELRmXM6NvF-WwSXEAMNh7BXXdqlY-A6DAuRbuf_23vIAbgr4oMVqQvDLoB3EvlO6IU-oj8s6QWU1-cXECgAtQhPbnY/s320/IMG_2823.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
These
are called “ear seeds.” They are tiny adhesive squares that have a tiny <o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
black
seed in the center. The seed is placed over a pressure point. And throughout
the day,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
I
massage the seed, sending pressure to that corresponding point. The pressure
points I focus on correspond to relaxation and sleep.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbRFSVi8SsKHsqmDcPj3X3PW4RFKK_yXHR4kMf6Hr0BBZbwszffATudZ_cjN036zC38uCySaFxQXO07kFRxN7HqmiA-wN47El95RfVQd8p4kKUfMwwnSgEwfGbmhmK33O4SwjYQ-a1tN4/s1600/IMG_2751.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbRFSVi8SsKHsqmDcPj3X3PW4RFKK_yXHR4kMf6Hr0BBZbwszffATudZ_cjN036zC38uCySaFxQXO07kFRxN7HqmiA-wN47El95RfVQd8p4kKUfMwwnSgEwfGbmhmK33O4SwjYQ-a1tN4/s320/IMG_2751.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
It
is extremely important to drink as much water as possible.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
One
side effect of my psych meds is constipation. Increased water intake<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
helps
to keep my body hydrated and hopefully mitigate the drying effects of the meds.</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0MwSHefi4ZyxPuBhKH5WyqWXanStb1lFAk6guCEGXR_MrILZE4iYG184kz0L444-8sKEHZot15SpYfvoZDXdmtx0ErWqjdYRfkDDnpkP5mXjMaX1MaO0zlz9QNpOB8cHcJ_BC8-h97vE/s1600/IMG_2826.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0MwSHefi4ZyxPuBhKH5WyqWXanStb1lFAk6guCEGXR_MrILZE4iYG184kz0L444-8sKEHZot15SpYfvoZDXdmtx0ErWqjdYRfkDDnpkP5mXjMaX1MaO0zlz9QNpOB8cHcJ_BC8-h97vE/s320/IMG_2826.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
I
have a hard time focusing when I am manic which often translates into </div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
me not
eating enough. So
when I am manic and finally do decide/take time to eat, I like to eat meals
that I especially like. This is chicken teriyaki with brown rice and edamame. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPjX52PjxUumHtTBNPRFpUaB9lasRWuHWgtkpPaGTwpO33bROqiQJwsxwJQK-Q0dHDp8Xge6khITpWjdSeFMAE3YeFtVgkNBxBpfh9YX4u-5AnY-cYhqbY0Qw5V_0IIHjHfc9dLbH5E1M/s1600/IMG_2953.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPjX52PjxUumHtTBNPRFpUaB9lasRWuHWgtkpPaGTwpO33bROqiQJwsxwJQK-Q0dHDp8Xge6khITpWjdSeFMAE3YeFtVgkNBxBpfh9YX4u-5AnY-cYhqbY0Qw5V_0IIHjHfc9dLbH5E1M/s320/IMG_2953.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Here's another photo of a snack I ate; it is a cored apple with caramel dip. </div>
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I’m sure you can tell that this photo made it onto my Instagram!</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie6ImqZRk_bdPN2vJKi3WHfxW45JvsL0EKGVdXsD8iUSJOJVupNWJv584AWRewJAyEwvkf7GXviuGHOAtkdoyEVYS6QOlYgaZKAZTV0BNz7fBgxQlk7qELp3tAmB-dwyLmktN-eTlDptk/s1600/IMG_2921.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie6ImqZRk_bdPN2vJKi3WHfxW45JvsL0EKGVdXsD8iUSJOJVupNWJv584AWRewJAyEwvkf7GXviuGHOAtkdoyEVYS6QOlYgaZKAZTV0BNz7fBgxQlk7qELp3tAmB-dwyLmktN-eTlDptk/s320/IMG_2921.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
My
meds are processed through the liver. Once, a few years back, one of my meds
caused liver toxicity; I was immediately taken off that regimen. I like to drink Yogi Detox tea to counteract
the meds’ impact. I love colorful and beautiful things, and both the mug and my
journal meet those requirements.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv4byKA6yWbdqesVIfDI3-jsHiKkh63-RodnUKhW73LjxLSspB4GgO-PQ6b-_jvEEtRye2Z0U1nJ94mLaeIEJIZzI0UHpo1JAHgP8UDQuJvzJku1uFfkwvey7UfK9QnP1RLTsaYE-7h0I/s1600/IMG_2931.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv4byKA6yWbdqesVIfDI3-jsHiKkh63-RodnUKhW73LjxLSspB4GgO-PQ6b-_jvEEtRye2Z0U1nJ94mLaeIEJIZzI0UHpo1JAHgP8UDQuJvzJku1uFfkwvey7UfK9QnP1RLTsaYE-7h0I/s320/IMG_2931.jpg" width="315" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqConGgfsiPcTN16L3Es9Fo9pCD65hr17ZcWb_5E-elRkHNi_gAhyphenhyphenzBFPReg1PHWqZWa8bbt2G3bkBvhnL4OIxwt0V1grC5FjUCU_WyYuP_nHECWenAN1VhS0QMomvf7wwVtvy9fC6Z7E/s1600/IMG_2991.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqConGgfsiPcTN16L3Es9Fo9pCD65hr17ZcWb_5E-elRkHNi_gAhyphenhyphenzBFPReg1PHWqZWa8bbt2G3bkBvhnL4OIxwt0V1grC5FjUCU_WyYuP_nHECWenAN1VhS0QMomvf7wwVtvy9fC6Z7E/s320/IMG_2991.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Part of my self-care is looking put-together. When I
was depressed for the first time in 2006, I did not bathe or groom. When the
depression ended a few months later, I vowed to myself that I would always have
my hair done and I would always wear clothes that made me feel good.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOWuVChYj0sukJaTryZCZcws7LTJI99CAYwNvyXntiWfv61NodedeYBDVAJQsyrgh9YBtSZ8cOorFv7oMVEGnexJVDmXtQ5oLJdbZSikVr-nX39EsY4RY-VIcMozgRBEf-5ZtVy-wrxIc/s1600/IMG_2911.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOWuVChYj0sukJaTryZCZcws7LTJI99CAYwNvyXntiWfv61NodedeYBDVAJQsyrgh9YBtSZ8cOorFv7oMVEGnexJVDmXtQ5oLJdbZSikVr-nX39EsY4RY-VIcMozgRBEf-5ZtVy-wrxIc/s320/IMG_2911.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
This is my on-the-go pill box that I carry in my
purse. I also have a much larger pill box for daily use. The reason I spiraled
into mania is that I stopped taking my psych meds consistently a few months
back. As much self-care as I do, it would not matter if I am not also taking my
meds. The ultimate self-care for me is: adequate sleep, taking my meds
consistently and as prescribed, and managing my stress. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia3HmzcGk2G3uScBi_gS-bNe6FADQqE4Ud9Qu6uekFXZpQkUtgRLp7EbVxkD4Iy0rKbP2xx4NDjneL0V070n7N90jVU1rvahpdrY21o338D1GM5c9amQ-BqhRPMDMZly6S6AMNwsReAMk/s1600/IMG_2983.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia3HmzcGk2G3uScBi_gS-bNe6FADQqE4Ud9Qu6uekFXZpQkUtgRLp7EbVxkD4Iy0rKbP2xx4NDjneL0V070n7N90jVU1rvahpdrY21o338D1GM5c9amQ-BqhRPMDMZly6S6AMNwsReAMk/s320/IMG_2983.jpg" width="259" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
When I am manic, I am extra spiritual and religious. I
feel as if I commune better with God when I am manic. It becomes easier to see
His hand in my life. On this day, I went to church with my mother and shared a
blogging testimony. One of my readers left a comment on a recent blog post
saying that he was suicidal, but because of my words he decided to live. His
story was so humbling for me. I never really know if my blogging is impacting
my audience and readers. But his comment touched me to my core.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXVaVCQw8RUyj9KJZII1B6C9z4aJ_Zq8alHqiw95-u93mBVqfiP36Nw_9vID-JoOwcNxddW1AqPVAaeWMFsCok9GnlStzp3YBoDjKpEbtuzNLyEaAQdr13_Y6iyX7hfi-q17J2o6BJDho/s1600/inspirational+quote+meme+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXVaVCQw8RUyj9KJZII1B6C9z4aJ_Zq8alHqiw95-u93mBVqfiP36Nw_9vID-JoOwcNxddW1AqPVAaeWMFsCok9GnlStzp3YBoDjKpEbtuzNLyEaAQdr13_Y6iyX7hfi-q17J2o6BJDho/s320/inspirational+quote+meme+3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
As I mentioned, Instagram is my favorite form of
social media. I’ve reposted memes, </div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
but it wasn’t until this year that I started
creating my own memes. I am both a visual </div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
person and a logophile (lover of
words). So memes combine both my loves. </div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
Here's a meme I created recently.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin-left: .5in; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Tune in tomorrow for part four...</div>
</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
</span></div>
</div>
Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-35190622527640104482016-10-18T08:11:00.001-04:002016-10-18T08:11:10.134-04:00Mania Haikus: Using the Heightened Creativity to Process My Episode<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>This is Part 2 in a 5-Part Series: </b></div>
<div style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: medium; font-style: normal; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: center; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">
<div style="color: black; margin: 0px;">
<b>"<span style="text-align: center;">When the World is Too Bright: An Intensive View of Mania from On the Ground"</span></b><br />
<b><span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="text-align: center;">(Read <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/10/mania-5-what-how-why.html" target="_blank">Part 1 Here</a>)</span></b></div>
<div style="color: black; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px;">
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal; text-align: left;">
I recently came across the poetry of <a href="https://www.instagram.com/nayyirah.waheed/" target="_blank">Nayyirah Waheed</a>. I
follow her on Instagram and she posts beautiful, bite-sized poetry. Reading her
work makes me want to write poetry, too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal; text-align: left;">
At the beginning of the month (September 2016), I felt
the stirrings of mania. There were no spending sprees, nor hypersexuality, or
racing thoughts. Those are my typical symptoms. This time I only noticed two
changes: disturbances in my sleep and heightened creativity and productivity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal; text-align: left;">
When I was manic in 2015, I incorporated a life coaching
company and a social justice curricular consulting company. I was so excited to
go into business for myself. I mean, why not? I had all these great ideas until
the mania dissipated. After I came down in 2015, I spent months recovering and
settling back into my homeostasis. The two businesses were the last things on
my mind. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal; text-align: left;">
Yet here I find myself, in September 2016, dusting off
the life coaching company and developing curricula for workshop presentations.
For the first week of September 2016, I feverishly researched and wrote, and
consulted, and designed. At first, I thought it was normal creative frenzy, but
when I didn’t sleep one night, I knew I was teetering into familiar territory. Mania is defined by excess. I was doing too much.<br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">Here are five haikus I wrote to process the mania.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
I<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="font-weight: normal;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;">Spano excited.</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br style="text-align: start;" />
<span style="background: white;"><span style="text-align: start;">Just like Spano? Yup, Jessie.*</span></span><br style="text-align: start;" />
</span><a data-ft="{"tn":"*N","type":104}" href="https://www.facebook.com/hashtag/maniabelike?source=feed_text&story_id=10101606962960154" style="color: black; cursor: pointer;"><span class="58cl"><span aria-label="hashtag" style="unicode-bidi: isolate;"><span style="background: white; color: #4267b2; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; text-decoration: none;"><span style="unicode-bidi: isolate;">#</span></span></span><span class="58cm"><span style="background: white; color: #365899; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt; text-decoration: none;">ManiaBeLike</span></span></span></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
*Jessie Spano from <i>Saved By The Bell<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
II<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
Wrote a business
plan.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
Conducted a survey
too:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
self-care
consulting.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
III<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
I’m intentional<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
about self-care
coping skills.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
Sleep. Breathe.
Eat. Shower.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
IV<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
Be in the moment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
Try to calm the
energy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
Breathe, breathe,
breathe deeply.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
V<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
Sleep escapes me,
{sigh}.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
Too many creative
thoughts.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="color: black; font-weight: normal; text-align: left;">
<span style="text-align: center;">
</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="color: black; font-weight: normal;">
Can I just press
“pause”?<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tune in tomorrow for part three in the series...</span></div>
</div>
</div>
Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-76040961867871999882016-10-17T08:05:00.001-04:002016-10-17T08:05:01.131-04:00Mania #5: What, How, Why<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>This is Part 1 in a 5-Part Series: </b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>"<span style="text-align: center;">When the World is Too Bright: An Intensive
View of Mania from On the Ground"</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This is my fifth mania in the nine years since I have
been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. However, just because this is my fifth
mania doesn’t mean that the experience of the mania this time around hasn’t
been rough. I have been manic every year since 2013. Yup. 2013. 2014. 2015. And
now 2016.<b> </b>My mania manifests pretty
similarly each episode. For instance, I typically experience heightened
creativity and productivity, a heightened libido, impulsivity, spending sprees,
weight loss, loss of appetite, and sleep disturbances.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
The
creativity and productivity feel incredible. I feel an intense need to create
when I am manic. During my third mania (in 2014), I started blogging about my
mental health journey. During my fourth (in 2015), I began a memoir and founded
two companies. However, this creativity and productivity are not without their
share of problems for me. When I first started blogging, I encountered boundary
issues with what and whom I wrote about. The two companies I founded set me
back about $8,000 in incorporation costs and website creations. I also shop
more. Over the life course of my disorder, I have charged around $30,000 on my
credit cards. I am currently <i>still</i> in credit card debt. Thus, the temporary
nature of my manic episodes have long-lasting consequences for me.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Yet,
this is the first manic episode that did not result in a hospitalization. In
the past, mania meant being hospitalized. My manias take me so high, so quickly
that in order to head it off at the pass, I check myself into the hospital. But
for my current manic episode, I am managing with IOP (Intensive Outpatient
Program) only. I attend IOP two days per week for 3.5 hours each day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
During
this current episode, I got the idea to re-brand my life coaching company as a
wellness company focused on promoting self-care. I stayed up all night writing
feverishly and researching best practices for self-care for the company. I became
really excited because I discovered that I could turn what I once perceived as
a manic financial blunder – starting a life coaching company in the first place
- into a viable source of income. It was almost confirmation that my manic-self
knew something my stable-self did not. However, once I was not sleeping through
the night, I knew I was in trouble.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I knew the excitement I was
experiencing was more than just normal excitement. I was less vigilant than
normal about having symptoms of mania because it was not springtime. All of my
previous manias occurred between the months of February and June. Now, in
September 2016, I exhibited symptoms. I didn’t know what to make of this change
to my norm. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
In
response to the appearance of symptoms of mania, I increased the number of
acupuncture sessions I received from once every three weeks, to two to three
sessions per week. I also started taking my medicine consistently once again.
Since the summer, I had been inconsistently adhering to my psychiatric medicine
routines for various reasons - chief among them, I am just tired of taking pills.
I have been a compliant patient ever since I learned of my diagnosis. With the
exception of my first mania and my current manic episode, my manias are
generally caused by medicine changes my psychiatrist ordered (e.g. one medicine
caused liver toxicity so I had to come off it). However, this current mania is
my fault and I can definitely say “lesson learned.” As a result of my veering
from my medicine routine, I have added an additional <i>year</i> to my graduate
schooling since I am currently enrolled less than half-time. There will be no
more inconsistent medicine usage on my part.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Tune in tomorrow for part two in the series...</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">
<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-32728982017452908442016-09-09T06:15:00.000-04:002016-09-09T06:15:21.934-04:00Weight Gain Struggles<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDAkIqw12vI3JgIMtGeLL7LlBTZjip6oylazdB4pWyMxXSCxld17qtkgZ1C96TzRxBl6UeP_JM7lbPsQORCtxhEtU9DsYrhmGWmidLvEqXDQwVP5ZDarBYVHHHpSiSH-DTsfFBpzRe2ww/s1600/Weight+Gain+2013+to+2016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDAkIqw12vI3JgIMtGeLL7LlBTZjip6oylazdB4pWyMxXSCxld17qtkgZ1C96TzRxBl6UeP_JM7lbPsQORCtxhEtU9DsYrhmGWmidLvEqXDQwVP5ZDarBYVHHHpSiSH-DTsfFBpzRe2ww/s320/Weight+Gain+2013+to+2016.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
One of the enduring effects of my psychiatric medication side effects is the weight gain.<br />
<br />
Side effects can occur when one starts a new medicine or when there is a dose change in a medicine one is already taking. I had a medicine dose change, an increase, in 2013, shortly after the picture on the left was taken to control a manic episode. In 2013 I gained 52 pounds over the span of a three- or four-month window of time.<br />
<br />
In 2015, while manic again, I managed to lose about 25 pounds or so. I wasn't consciously trying to lose weight, I wasn't exercising, but when I'm manic I eat less. I wrote about my <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2015/05/weight-loss-and-weight-gain-update.html" target="_blank">weight fluctuations last year.</a> But since then I've gained all the weight back. I think it partly had to do with my birth control.<br />
<br />
I used to avoid taking pictures after I initially gained the weight. I was used to being thin my entire life and to all of a sudden put on so much weight... I didn't like the way I looked in clothes. I felt frumpy.<br />
<br />
Now, I make an effort to buy clothes that flatter my shape. And it doesn't hurt that my boyfriend likes my current body. It's a great boost to my self-esteem and body image.<br />
<br />
I'd still like to lose some of this weight. I don't need to get back down to 128 pounds (I'm currently 169 pounds), but I want to be smaller. I haven't been exercising consistently. To change that, I signed up for a fitness class held at my town's recreation center. The first class is next week. I'm hoping to attend regularly.<br />
<br />
Wish me luck!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-69194756280545971832016-09-07T09:09:00.001-04:002016-09-07T09:09:53.686-04:00Quick Spring and Summer 2016 UpdateI need to be better about blogging more often.<br />
<br />
In my defense, this summer was really busy. I took two summer school graduate classes during summer session (May and June). Then, when the classes ended, I started a summer job for July and August. I live in New Jersey, but this summer I worked in Brooklyn, New York. My days were long. Super long. I didn't feel like doing much when I got home.<br />
<br />
But I maintained my mood stability! This Spring was the first mania-free one in the last few years. 2013, 2014, and 2015 saw me manic and hospitalized. But not this year :)<br />
<br />
At the end of my summer graduate classes, I completed my first year of graduate school for my Master's in Social Work. I'm proud to report that I finished my first year with a 4.0 GPA <i>and</i> I was awarded a National Association of Social Workers (NASW) scholarship in the amount of $5500! My first year was a smashing success. A week and a half ago I started year two of graduate school. (I'm attending part time, so it'll take me three years to graduate instead of two.) And this year I begin an internship. I'll be interning three days per week at a local hospital's adult outpatient substance abuse program. The internship lasts all year, September to early May.<br />
<br />
Even though I haven't blogged much on <i>Manic Monique</i>, I was published this summer on <i><a href="https://themighty.com/author/krystal-reddick/" target="_blank">The Mighty</a></i> and the <a href="http://ibpf.org/tags/krystal-reddick" target="_blank">International Bipolar Foundation</a>. The outside sites are where I publish less personal, more broad posts. I'm trying to have a presence on multiple fronts.Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-71141356066450831522016-06-24T15:04:00.000-04:002016-06-24T15:04:33.580-04:00A Letter to My Little Cousin, Recently Diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Little Cousin,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When your mother told me that you had been diagnosed with
bipolar disorder, I cried. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wept because I did not want anyone else in the family to
walk the road I am on with my own bipolar disorder diagnosis. I wept because
bipolar disorder can be more difficult to manage the younger that you are when
you are diagnosed. I was 23 when my symptoms surfaced. You are 14. I feel that
is too young to have to deal with emotional and mental concerns.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet visiting you in the hospital was bittersweet. It
dredged up memories of my own hospitalizations – all four of them – but I was
glad that you were receiving treatment and on the road to recovery and
wellness. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Attending your 8<sup>th</sup> grade graduation, my heart
swelled with pride. And love. And hope. I felt all of this because the last few
months were not easy for you. You had more than your fair share of challenges
to overcome. Thankfully, you did not have to do any of it alone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The relationship you have developed with your therapist
warms my heart. She has impacted you to your core, so much so that you, too,
now want to be a therapist. That would be the ultimate way of paying it
forward, of passing on what was instilled into you.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know you are only 14, but if this career goal sticks, I
know that you will make an excellent therapist. You have firsthand knowledge of
what it means to live in mood instability and mood stability. You know the
impact of a caring adult and professional; and from what you told me about how
you relate to your peers, listening and giving advice, you are already honing
important skills.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Listening to you talk about your newfound career interests
made me beam with pride. I, too, want to become a therapist because of my own
experiences with my diagnosis. I, too, have been blessed with great, caring
mental health providers and I want to pay it forward.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope that I can also be a role model for you in how to
live in recovery and instability. I’ve had nearly ten years to learn about my bipolar
disorder. I’ve learned to be reflective and proactive. If you ever need help
navigating your moods or self-care or high school next year, I’m here.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Love always,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Krystal</div>
Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-75347894257080559892016-06-19T07:32:00.000-04:002016-06-19T07:32:53.874-04:00The Law of Averages, Mania, and SpringI survived Spring 2016!<br />
<br />
Every spring for the last three years (2013, 2014, and 2015) I became manic and was hospitalized for a number of days. I was worried that I'd bat four-for-four and also become manic this year. However, that was not the case. And I am so relieved.<br />
<br />
Earlier this year my boyfriend mentioned the Law of Averages to me regarding the <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2016/02/mania-season.html" target="_blank">streak of manias</a> I had been experiencing. He claimed for me that my luck would change, that after three years in a row I was bound to have some reprieve.<br />
<br />
Back in February and March, on about two occasions, I felt the twangs of mania: hyperproductivity and insomnia. But luckily nothing came of it.<br />
<br />
To stave off the mania, I continue to take my prescription medications; I see my psychiatrist and therapist regularly; I increased the number of acupuncture treatments I receive per month; and I continue to make self-care and sleep priorities.<br />
<br />
I know there's no magic bullet to living in recovery, but I like my system. Every component is important, but perhaps the most important two, for me, are sleep and meds.<br />
<br />
Additionally, I am glad that I made it through my first year of my graduate school program without a hospitalization. I experienced my first bipolar episodes (one depression and one mania) ten years ago when I attended graduate school for my Master's in Education. I took a leave of absence from the program to focus on my recovery and wellness and would not graduate until two years later. Now, back in graduate school, this time for a Master's in Social Work, I am happy that the first year is down, and without any mental health crises. Just two more years of grad school to go. I'm claiming that I'll be bipolar episode free for the duration.<br />
<br />
I know that relapse is part of the disorder. And I've learned to handle both the depression and mania as best can be expected. But I'm hoping the Law of Averages holds true for the next few years.<br />
<br />
<br />Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-35911856332243941972016-04-07T16:49:00.001-04:002016-04-07T16:49:28.096-04:00Mania-Free. So Far, So Good.Life is really great right now. Like, really great.<br />
<br />
I deserve a little bit (or a lot of) goodness right about now. The last three years were rough for me. I was hospitalized for mania every Spring for the last three years. Yup. You read that right. Three hospital stays in three years. However, it's even worse than it sounds. Because after the hospital stay is the recovery window, which can last months to years. For instance, I was hospitalized for 10 days in March 2015. I didn't feel like my whole self until August 2015.<br />
<br />
But I made it through this past March with no manic episode! I just gotta get through April and May.<br />
<br />
As I said, life is great right now. In the last two weeks I had four interviews for summer employment (like camps and enrichment programs for high school students). I didn't get one, still waiting to hear from the other three. Today I had an interview for my Fall internship for graduate school. It was at my first choice placement. Thankfully, the interview went well; just have to interview with the Director of the department I would be interning with. And graduate school is going well. One of my professors praised my midterm paper in front of the class and declared that I should be in a PhD program. He wants me to present my paper at a conference in the Fall at a college in Pennsylvania.<br />
<br />
More importantly, life is going great <i>without</i> the mania. In the past, the mania has given me energy, creativity, and productivity. But I don't need it to be energetic, creative, or productive.<br />
<br />
As much as I am pleased to have survived March, I am also not ignorant of my recent track record regarding Spring. So if the mania makes a return, I will deal with it as I have the previous four times. I can't change my disorder, but I can learn to live with it, when I'm in crisis and when I'm in recovery.Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-26396718921891047872016-03-10T11:14:00.001-05:002016-03-10T11:14:50.867-05:00I Miss TeachingI have worked with children my entire professional life and even before that. In high school, I volunteered at elementary schools and I taught a Sunday School class for preschoolers at my church. In college, I tutored elementary children as my work-study job. So that's nearly 18 years experience with K-12 students.<br />
<br />
Up until two years ago I taught high school English at a private school. I loved it. I love English and I love that age of kids. I had fun at work. While I don't completely agree with the adage "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life," I understand the sentiment. Teaching was definitely work but it was meaningful work.<br />
<br />
Most recently, I taught middle school English at an urban charter school. I resigned after three months. The school and I weren't a good fit. So now I am substitute teaching in my hometown. It's steady work and stress-free; I don't bring any work home.<br />
<br />
This week I was in a 5th grade class. It made me nostalgic for my own teaching days. Deciding to go to graduate school for my MSW wasn't an easy decision. I had a career I loved and thoroughly enjoyed. But I felt called to pursue social work. So I don't regret it.<br />
<br />
Even though I'll be a social worker in two years, I still have plans in my future to return to an English classroom. Ideally, I'd love to be a part-time teacher and a part-time therapist. Don't know how feasible that is though. Given both fields can be high stress. <br />
<br />
I'll figure it out though. I have time.Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-87211364431052563262016-03-09T11:57:00.001-05:002016-03-09T11:57:59.062-05:00Prioritizing and Cultivating FriendshipsIn the last two weeks, I've consciously made a decision to reach out to friends I haven't been much in touch with. The results have been quite productive.<br />
<br />
I have two classifications of friends: those I know from school or work and then those that I met in the hospital or outpatient therapy (IOP). I appreciate both. But I feel a certain connection to my friends dealing with mental health issues. Unfortunately, we don't speak much.<br />
<br />
However, in the last two weeks I either text or called thirteen people. I've heard back from all but three. It was just a check-in text or call. But about half have resulted in plans to hang out. I'm happy. I'm a very sociable person.<br />
<br />
One of my IOP friends expressed an interest in having a closer and more consistent relationship. I'd like that. It's nice to be around people who understand your mental health struggles and successes.<br />
<br />
Hopefully I can maintain my friendships better. I like having friends :-)Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-74489690799480413712016-03-07T13:16:00.002-05:002016-03-07T16:38:05.786-05:00New Schedule for My TimeI need more structure in my life. I haven't been exercising consistently for weeks now and I'm not studying my Spanish like I need to if I really want to be fluent.<br />
<br />
I got sick in January with a sinus infection and bad cough. That threw me off my exercise routine. Ever since I haven't been able to get into a good rhythm. And from November to January I was enrolled in a Spanish level one class in New York City. I made flash cards, I did my Duolingo app, I spoke to my boyfriend in Spanish via text and in person, and I studied. I'm now in Spanish level two and I'm not doing any of these things. Sadly, level two is nearly over; there are just three more weeks left. But I'm about to re-implement the habits that served me well in my level one class.<br />
<br />
To that end, I've decided to create a schedule for my time. I'm going to set aside <i>specific</i> days and times for the activities I want to prioritize: exercising, learning Spanish, and studying for grad school.<br />
<br />
What I want to fit in:<br />
<ul>
<li>Exercise four to five days per week (2 days at the gym and 2 or 3 days at home)</li>
<li>Study Spanish one hour per day between the Duolingo app and my flash cards </li>
<li>Attend Spanish-speaking meet ups once or twice per month to get in actual practice with people</li>
<li>Read grad school homework two to four hours per day (there's a crapload of reading!) and start assignments weeks before their due dates</li>
</ul>
<div>
I'm only working part time while in grad school, so I have the time to make this new schedule work. Let's hope I can stick to it. I'm gonna start today. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What do you want to fit into your life? How do you prioritize your time? Got any tips for me? I'd gladly welcome them :)</div>
Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-54422084465238132262016-03-05T12:13:00.001-05:002016-03-05T12:13:18.090-05:00If Money Was No Object...Today in one of my Master's in Social Work (MSW) graduate school classes, we had an interesting writing exercise. My professor asked us:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"If you had ten million dollars, what would you do with your life? What would change? What would stay the same?"</blockquote>
I didn't even have to think about my answer. I immediately wrote down that I would:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Pay off my student loan debt and my boyfriend's student loan debt</li>
<li>Start trust funds for my nephews and cousins who are under the age of 18</li>
<li>Found an all-boys' middle and high school </li>
<li>Found a holistic wellness center that offers mental health counseling, acupuncture and yoga</li>
<li>Travel</li>
<li>Finish my MSW degree</li>
</ul>
<div>
My professor than told us that <i>what we wrote down is what we should be doing with our lives right now</i>.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I felt great when she said that, because founding a wellness center is one of my social work career goals (the other is to be a therapist for college students on a college campus). I feel like I'm on the right track to actualize my goals. This exercise was a nice reality check.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
However, my professor said that just because you write something down doesn't mean it's going to come true. But it can point you in the direction that your life should go.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What would <i>you</i> do if you came into ten million dollars? So, what should you be doing <i>right now</i>?</div>
Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-66816336059665967582016-02-22T08:21:00.001-05:002016-02-22T08:54:48.778-05:00Mania SeasonEvery year for the last three years I have been hospitalized for mania. That is, three hospitalizations in three years. To put that fact into perspective: I've been hospitalized four times, my first hospital stay was in 2007 but the second stay wasn't until 2013. That means I was stable for <i>six</i> whole years. But since 2013 stability has been hard to sustain.<br />
<br />
All four of my manias have happened in the springtime. There's something about the sunshine and flowers blooming that send me into a tailspin. In fact, I wrote about <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2015/03/sad-springtime-mania-and-me.html" target="_blank">me, mania, and the spring</a> this time last year.<br />
<br />
For the past few months I've been apprehensive about spring's arrival. I mean, three for three, what are the odds? And what are the odds that this year won't continue the trend? My boyfriend is claiming the <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/law%20of%20averages" target="_blank">Law of Averages</a> for me. Meaning, my episodes will even out. I've had a crappy run of it the last three years, so my luck must look up soon. I don't know if I believe it, but I'm hoping that it's so.<br />
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Knowing that spring is coming and soon, I've been on high alert for warning signs of mania. For instance, twice in the past few weeks I've stayed up writing until the wee hours of the morning, midnight on the first occasion and 2am this morning. I felt incredibly productive and felt driven to keep working even though I know how important good sleep hygiene is. (Decreased sleep is often one of the first signs of mania and depression for me.)<br />
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You see, the mania doesn't care about my sleep. The mania is single-minded. But I can't feed into it, which I've now done twice.<br />
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However, I <i>am</i> taking care of myself: I take my psych meds regularly, I see my therapist every three weeks, I see my psychiatrist pretty regularly as well, I increased the frequency of my acupuncture sessions knowing that spring is a trouble time, I'm exercising and trying to eat healthy. On the self-care front I've got it covered. If only I could stop giving into the heightened-productivity impulses. I vow to work on that.<br />
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I claim that this year I won't be hospitalized.<br />
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But if I am, I will commit myself to recovery as I have done the previous four times. Neither mania, nor depression, will bring me to my knees.<br />
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I am more than my bipolar label.Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-34617327345069368512016-02-21T09:33:00.002-05:002016-02-21T09:33:15.090-05:00Lifestyle Changes and Weight Loss Goals<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I want to lose about 10-15 pounds. To do that I've been trying to become more conscious of what I'm eating. I recently started working with a new doctor on lifestyle changes. She believes that there are two types of food. Foods that heal and foods that harm. I can dig that. There is certainly a connection between certain diseases and the foods we eat.<br />
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One of the many changes my new doctor suggested is that I stop drinking milk and eating milk-related products. No yogurt, no cheese. This was tough. I used to eat a Greek yogurt for breakfast every morning like clockwork. Well, I needed something to replace the yogurt so I googled healthy breakfasts.<br />
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<b>BREAKFAST</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlhoLJXUSxYRYFxxVGMfRq8vgSijowlS1hBU-l5VXAViV5-QuMceIDbhXLarRxQ88jYbqfJplQkJ-q8LOuubCDs0ZtkBCkTXN3SEPNfK_o3IIZz2_tydxS3Xq47Le1PNtOPtL6CMNktuA/s1600/IMG_0252.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlhoLJXUSxYRYFxxVGMfRq8vgSijowlS1hBU-l5VXAViV5-QuMceIDbhXLarRxQ88jYbqfJplQkJ-q8LOuubCDs0ZtkBCkTXN3SEPNfK_o3IIZz2_tydxS3Xq47Le1PNtOPtL6CMNktuA/s320/IMG_0252.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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This is <a href="http://wellnessmama.com/59344/chia-seed-pudding-recipe/" target="_blank">chia seed pudding</a>. It's made of almond milk, chia seeds, and maple syrup. </div>
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It tasted okay. But I'll definitely have to get used to the consistency and hopefully I</div>
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eat it more, as it is packed with nutrients. Chia is known as a superfood.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWQYw4oCMOgic44yGL1k3rxHqKAMKT7KxHhgAS8AQ0pfNtr8r6p3Rgq6aaJStlNO3UqfHIOwBc8r0fXwT5IpOD53nDO8fPydXwPjaTENc68HaY9lieOxvXQmf0m15tCaIH2gXOhCe4B1A/s1600/IMG_0203.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWQYw4oCMOgic44yGL1k3rxHqKAMKT7KxHhgAS8AQ0pfNtr8r6p3Rgq6aaJStlNO3UqfHIOwBc8r0fXwT5IpOD53nDO8fPydXwPjaTENc68HaY9lieOxvXQmf0m15tCaIH2gXOhCe4B1A/s320/IMG_0203.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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These beauties are <a href="https://stephaniebrijbag.wordpress.com/2015/04/09/egg-muffins/" target="_blank">egg muffins</a>. </div>
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They were super easy to make and tasted just like miniature omelets.</div>
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I put spinach and diced red and green peppers in mine. But you can add any filling you want.</div>
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I've seen some with bacon.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrYygg5vhxmZpi-csUrRsxEOCN7f-JxHExa8NJKaivUTm5-rdylleX6kIzEawnnoQ9KPWrPqhSWXFUcDuNSwf9lzf654zOq6k-Kln8k8_j2OvdB4P-4Dpp60OlSF32ikwvuGe86dd3nUk/s1600/IMG_0234.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrYygg5vhxmZpi-csUrRsxEOCN7f-JxHExa8NJKaivUTm5-rdylleX6kIzEawnnoQ9KPWrPqhSWXFUcDuNSwf9lzf654zOq6k-Kln8k8_j2OvdB4P-4Dpp60OlSF32ikwvuGe86dd3nUk/s320/IMG_0234.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Speaking of omelets... </div>
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For about a week I was obsessed with them </div>
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and they were the only thing I was making for breakfast.</div>
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In addition to breakfast, I wanted to also make healthy choices for lunch, dinner, and snacks.<br />
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<b>LUNCH/DINNER</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNjfYM-ztIJ-zWJyqs_cxBx4HN7OfA9YR1BO_KQIWKFpjFTUm-dQ27-epWrrnKvP3qtY5yFpc_QJsoYjGQA3NfHKZUmBnE1Djk1s_RV_yDPbVU5PHI0yF8lfj-CNXS-pmprrsrWsPdeOs/s1600/IMG_0250.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNjfYM-ztIJ-zWJyqs_cxBx4HN7OfA9YR1BO_KQIWKFpjFTUm-dQ27-epWrrnKvP3qtY5yFpc_QJsoYjGQA3NfHKZUmBnE1Djk1s_RV_yDPbVU5PHI0yF8lfj-CNXS-pmprrsrWsPdeOs/s320/IMG_0250.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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I love plantains. I know they're not the healthiest thing I could eat, since they're fried, </div>
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but they're oh-so-good! I paired them with green beans, black beans, and jerk chicken.</div>
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I marinated the chicken in a store-bought jerk seasoning,</div>
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<b>SNACKS</b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihydL-LDWU5HNlY-FbPqq3AzlqG28sp_PAHmiBitD488OOc7T-b-USk2y7W5lrb1cN7O1U30tSwN6JmekywaFi24lSM3yiptYyxqRgG_-aHyAP4TjXmw772IRhxqfunC5JF21011kBRhc/s1600/IMG_0225.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihydL-LDWU5HNlY-FbPqq3AzlqG28sp_PAHmiBitD488OOc7T-b-USk2y7W5lrb1cN7O1U30tSwN6JmekywaFi24lSM3yiptYyxqRgG_-aHyAP4TjXmw772IRhxqfunC5JF21011kBRhc/s320/IMG_0225.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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I made a visit to the year-round, in-door farmers' market. I was impressed with the wide selection of fruits and vegetables they had. I'm trying to snack mostly on fruits and veggies and not junk food.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6PLzlRIaRgGH2j8UTgnEEWvuXq7OGb5CooeFk7j2o2BS2gPBME8OPmQEAKKYVlDF6xuP9cLNkQG-69d6VttO47cvg9s2LIcWchID4qMkH7CaEmDSDpzANnWWqpBnSdMeQyIeWLO-I2sY/s1600/IMG_0227.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6PLzlRIaRgGH2j8UTgnEEWvuXq7OGb5CooeFk7j2o2BS2gPBME8OPmQEAKKYVlDF6xuP9cLNkQG-69d6VttO47cvg9s2LIcWchID4qMkH7CaEmDSDpzANnWWqpBnSdMeQyIeWLO-I2sY/s320/IMG_0227.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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I've found snack prepping extremely helpful. I measured (literally, with a measuring cup) out a serving size and then put the goodies in Tupperware or Ziploc baggies. Here I have apples, kiwi, strawberries and blueberries, trail mix (cashews, almonds, and cranberries), and carrots. Not shown are my red pepper strips. I eat the carrots and red peppers with hummus.</div>
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In the past month, I've already lost about 5 pounds, I just want to lose 10-15 more. I have an ideal weight in mind. Last month I tried to do a 30-day fat loss challenge. It included a meal plan and a 5-day per week workout plan. I only lasted a week. Then I came down with a cold and a terrible cough. Threw me off the workout regime. But to be honest, the meal plan was hard to follow. The food was good but the portion sizes were small. I know I have to change my portion sizes if I want to lose weight. But I was constantly hungry that one week I participated in the fat loss program. However, I wish I could have stuck it out. The other participants posted their before and after photos to Instagram and they got some amazing results in four weeks. I need to get back into my groove of exercising. What are your fitness and health goals?</div>
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<br />Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-46151004640677730042016-01-18T04:54:00.002-05:002016-01-18T04:54:30.692-05:00Learning SpanishI studied French in middle and high schools. Then once I got to college, I switched to studying Spanish. The result was that I knew neither language well. For instance, I would know a word in one language but not the other.<br />
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Case in point: I studied abroad the summer before my senior year of college in Spain, Morocco, Egypt, and Italy. While in Spain, some of my friends and I went to a local grocery store to buy sandwich meat, cheese, and bread. All I could think was "fromage." Fromage <i>is </i>cheese. But in French! For the life of me I could not remember the word "queso." And <i>everybody</i> knows queso is cheese, even people who haven't studied Spanish.<br />
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Well, when I was hospitalized in 2013, I was highly manic. Somehow I became fluent in Spanish. The Spanish that I learned in college combined with working one-on-one for a few days with my Spanish-speaking roommate worked a miracle. A symptom of mania is pressured speech (aka talking really fast), combine my pressured speech with the Spanish and I sounded like a native. One of the hospital techs thought I was Latina!<br />
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However, once the mania subsided so too did my Spanish-speaking ability. Three years later and I'm doing something to reclaim my lost fluency. In November, I enrolled in a 10-week beginner course that I found a $79 Groupon for. (Yay for Groupon!) The class meets in Manhattan once per week for 90 minutes. I'm nearly done with the course. I take the exam this Tuesday to see how much I mastered from Level 1. But I know I'll pass. I feel pretty confident about the basics of Spanish. So I already went ahead and registered for Level 2, for another 10-week course. It starts next week.<br />
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Yo quiero hablar espanol. I want to speak Spanish.<br />
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Give me time, and I will be fluent again.Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-89920233314344086522015-12-01T14:34:00.001-05:002015-12-01T14:34:37.139-05:00Personal Growth and GoalsI've been thinking a lot about personal growth and pursuing dreams. This fall I started graduate school for my Master's in Social Work. And two weeks ago I started a beginner's course in Spanish. Both have been longstanding goals for me. And I'm finally in a place to pursue them.<br />
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I also want to be more deliberate about exercising consistently and eating healthy. There are so many benefits to exercising, both mental and physical. I want to reap the rewards. I also want to stop gaining weight. Between late last year and earlier this year I lost about 35 pounds. Weight that I had gained from one of my psychiatric meds, However, I've since gained back about 17 of those pounds. Lately I feel extra hungry and just eat nonstop. I'm sure it's a side effect of one of my meds. So I need to be proactive and cut back on my portion sizes, make better food choices, and exercise again.<br />
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The last goal I have for myself is to get my driver's license. I have a lot of anxiety and fear around driving. That's why I'm a non-driving 32-year-old. I took driver's lessons a few months ago, but then I didn't go to my road test. I'm hoping to kick this fear and get the daggone license once and for all. Wish me luck!<br />
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Lastly, I wanted to ask you all: what have you been putting off? What do you want to do? Hobby, career, fitness/health/nutrition, etc? We get a brand new month today. How are you going to use it to get one step closer to the YOU you'd love to be?<br />
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Let's become our best selves together!Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-85935394557987567472015-11-29T15:05:00.001-05:002015-11-29T15:07:24.449-05:00Thanksgiving 2015 + Gratitude<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I love the food! And you know that I love to eat; just check out these two <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2014/06/food.html" target="_blank">food</a> <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2015/09/food-part-2.html" target="_blank">posts</a>.<br />
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This year I spent Thanksgiving with my boyfriend and his family in Pennsylvania. I was a bit worried that I might not like his mother's cooking, but my worries were pointless. The food was good. We had traditional black Thanksgiving foods: ham, turkey, yams, macaroni and cheese, collard greens. His family also had dishes that my family doesn't make on Thanksgiving: lasagna and chicken parmigiana. </div>
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All in all it was a relaxing and fulfilling holiday. I hope your holiday was wonderful, between the food and quality time spent with family and friends!<br />
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Furthermore, 'tis the season of reflection and gratitude.<br />
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Here's what I'm grateful for:<br />
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<li>My physical and mental health. </li>
<li>My family.</li>
<li>My boyfriend.</li>
<li>Being able to pursue my MSW and change careers.</li>
<li>Blogging and sharing my story and life with you all.</li>
<li>My friends.</li>
<li>The things we take for granted: a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear.</li>
<li>Health insurance.</li>
<li>Good credit.</li>
<li>Savings.</li>
<li>The readers of my blog, especially those of you that leave comments. I love to hear from you all!</li>
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What are you grateful for this season?<br />
<br />Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-36203481843596269552015-10-30T19:06:00.003-04:002015-10-30T19:06:35.130-04:00Grad School AccommodationsI've worked - as an instructional assistant, substitute teacher, and full-time teacher - in schools for a little over 7 years. In that time, I've come to see that different students have different needs. For students who receive special education services, they have a legal document in place called an IEP or an <a href="http://www.parentcenterhub.org/repository/iep-overview/" target="_blank">Individualized Education Program</a>. It basically lays out the modifications and accommodations that the school and teacher must comply with in order to meet the student's needs.<br />
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But, IEP's only apply to K-12 education. There are no IEP's in college or graduate school. However, many colleges do have an Office of Disability. And colleges can't discriminate against students for any disability the student may have.<br />
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I don't know how I found out about accommodations at the higher education level, but this summer I sought out the Office of Disability at my grad school to find out about what I am entitled to. Yesterday I finally followed up with them.<br />
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I brought a letter from my psychiatrist stating that I have a mood disorder and am under her care. And I had a 30-minute intake meeting with a staff member to discuss my medical and school histories. She determined that the two accommodations that would suit my circumstances best are extended time on 1-2 assignments per class per semester and 1-2 excused absences per class per semester. I knew about extended time as it is one of the accommodations some of my students received. But I was unaware of the excused absences.<br />
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I'm grateful to have been approved for these two accommodations. But in all honesty, I'm hoping that I won't need to use them. When I'm stable I can produce work. It's when I'm in the midst of an episode that I would need the help.<br />
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I really needed the help the first time I went to graduate school (for my Master's in Education. I'm now in school for my Master's in Social Work). I was depressed and could barely get out of bed to make it to student teaching and my seminar class. I did no work for my seminar class at all that semester; in fact, I didn't finish that work from fall semester until the spring semester. But at this time I wasn't diagnosed yet. I was just acting erratically. I didn't know what the problem was. I just knew I wasn't myself and I couldn't focus long enough to get my work done.<br />
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I'm hoping to make it through this grad program without enduring an episode. My program is three years long, so here's hoping. I say that because I have been manic and hospitalized every spring for the past three years. Three hospital stays in three years is a lot.<br />
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Despite that history, I'm hoping to stay stable. Thereby not needing the accommodations. But if I need them, they are there. I can't tell you how much peace of mind this brings me.Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-52207525138044548142015-10-03T16:15:00.000-04:002015-10-03T16:15:52.941-04:00I'm Not Crazy, I'm Creative<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I've always been a writer. But only recently have I taken an interest in other types of art. Two summers ago I took a <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2014/06/leisure-activities.html" target="_blank">drawing class</a>. It was fun. And a year ago I attended a drawing class at <a href="http://mocada.org/" target="_blank">MOCADA</a> (Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Arts) in Brooklyn. The class was taught by artist <a href="http://www.shantellmartin.com/" target="_blank">Shantell Martin</a>.</div>
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When I was in DC last summer I bought the following clutch from one of the Smithsonian Museums.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvqMUYEiKVk0SjX1uq2WwdbsLi5k60vwMcB1oUR3C-6d4IEOrNo1buL_Z6ZD73cuZse8o7EYTwX5iaa5zq-ldHn0Uh6UgMPTAy4ibO043YpPL9K0yOC3LzKDmE6qDbYltIptBJDMJJA9E/s1600/IMG_5839.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvqMUYEiKVk0SjX1uq2WwdbsLi5k60vwMcB1oUR3C-6d4IEOrNo1buL_Z6ZD73cuZse8o7EYTwX5iaa5zq-ldHn0Uh6UgMPTAy4ibO043YpPL9K0yOC3LzKDmE6qDbYltIptBJDMJJA9E/s1600/IMG_5839.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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And during one of my hospital stays we had art therapy. We made collages. Here's a collage a fellow patient made. I liked it so much so he let me keep it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzS3DjAw8ATkz7wntvRyTudaKjqm1adKXVx_EEQKL9xQzSSWzCGYQ-8L9ONy3ZcE9rcP4N2J9NtU3wDYxGAbSdxlt85q3Kj0_a0-dB_XYs2MGUL9mT9xDbWCMzPzQ-jj0r7NvEvFpn2RU/s1600/IMG_3539.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzS3DjAw8ATkz7wntvRyTudaKjqm1adKXVx_EEQKL9xQzSSWzCGYQ-8L9ONy3ZcE9rcP4N2J9NtU3wDYxGAbSdxlt85q3Kj0_a0-dB_XYs2MGUL9mT9xDbWCMzPzQ-jj0r7NvEvFpn2RU/s1600/IMG_3539.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Here's the collage I made. I had both collages framed.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD-IN_DKFHDFllOt9pIZt5PB-hQ2QG-jGTXthVWF7UxC-LKBW0S6JNsRPEhc7BeW6brLH1s9q7UbATs6bVOjrTy73fWWkC96YnOUDUAx3W6UdJm4ptlhW-nRK9JTYFHfaclhljrSfVHOo/s1600/IMG_3540.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD-IN_DKFHDFllOt9pIZt5PB-hQ2QG-jGTXthVWF7UxC-LKBW0S6JNsRPEhc7BeW6brLH1s9q7UbATs6bVOjrTy73fWWkC96YnOUDUAx3W6UdJm4ptlhW-nRK9JTYFHfaclhljrSfVHOo/s1600/IMG_3540.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Here's what they looked like on my bedroom wall.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggNAC0ssSRJ9ufJQTN2cQpJkF1xvQQPCewi62PSs_HlZxl28Kq9-HRMIT9373xe7Zr8VW7D__F5O0ek9a-2lQkkutwnZXNm4A9WHJw4yppqk8J8PbywJ076GGmS4Q4G2x2XKSmPHMX6k8/s1600/IMG_3558.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggNAC0ssSRJ9ufJQTN2cQpJkF1xvQQPCewi62PSs_HlZxl28Kq9-HRMIT9373xe7Zr8VW7D__F5O0ek9a-2lQkkutwnZXNm4A9WHJw4yppqk8J8PbywJ076GGmS4Q4G2x2XKSmPHMX6k8/s1600/IMG_3558.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-50319734962001305432015-09-30T22:19:00.001-04:002015-09-30T22:28:33.358-04:00Making Time for Self-CareTonight I checked in with a friend who recently tried to commit suicide. Thankfully, she's doing much better and is in recovery. She then asked how I was doing. I told her balancing teaching and grad school is tough.<br />
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My current schedule is kicking my butt. I'm teaching middle school English full-time, 7:20am to 4:45pm. I'm at a charter school so the hours are extended. Plus, I'm in graduate school part time for my MSW (Master's in Social Work). And on top of both I have insomnia; I wake frequently during the night and I can't nap during the day. Surprisingly I'm alert during the day. But around 5pm I get tired. Which is no good for doing grad school homework or lesson planning for work.<br />
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After updating my friend on my current life, she asked what self-care I was engaging in. My heart melted at this question. I live for self-care. And I've written about it multiple times: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/krystal-reddick/who-cares-for-the-caregiv_1_b_6527028.html" target="_blank">Who Cares for the Caregiver</a>, <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/krystal-reddick/selfcare-as-revolutionary_b_6393154.html" target="_blank">Self-Care as Revolutionary Action</a>, <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/krystal-reddick/how-to-rebuild-your-life-_b_6182148.html" target="_blank">How to Rebuild Your Life After a Mental Illness Hospital Stay</a>, and <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/krystal-reddick/how-i-manage-my-bipolar-d_b_5559720.html" target="_blank">How I Manage My Bipolar Disorder</a>.<br />
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Right now, for self-care, I am:<br />
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<ul>
<li>drinking 40 to 60 ounces of water a day</li>
<li>exercising three times per week</li>
<li>receiving an acupuncture treatment every three weeks</li>
<li>taking my psychiatric medicine as prescribed</li>
<li>keeping up with appointments with my therapist and psychiatrist</li>
<li>spending quality time with my boyfriend</li>
<li>getting my hair done once per week</li>
<li>blogging again</li>
<li>and I'm staying abreast of grading assignments at work</li>
</ul>
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I also love getting massages. I'm hoping to book an appointment within the next few weeks. And I'm hoping to hang out with friends soon; I've been slacking lately. But I have to remember to schedule in social time.</div>
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So what are you doing for self-care? What restores you? What refuels your tank? Do more of that.</div>
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Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-57021533632119867012015-09-29T15:58:00.001-04:002015-09-29T15:58:36.858-04:00My 4th Mania and 4th Hospital StayIf you go back and re-read (or read for the first time) the blog entries for March 2015 it's pretty evident that I was headed for a manic episode. I was having sleep issues, I was posting more to social media, I was extra productive and creative, I had pressured speech (speaking quickly), and I had racing thoughts.<br />
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The mania started to surface in February 2015. I was grandiose in a job interview, basically told the interviewer "I'm the shit." There were other signs too (as mentioned above).<br />
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March 11th to 14th I was in Kentucky presenting at a conference. While there my manic symptoms escalated. My sleep issues worsened and I became extra emotional. The pressured speech and racing thoughts were worsening as well. My acupuncturist said the spring-like weather (it was warmer in Kentucky than in my home state of New Jersey) and the excitement of presenting a workshop did not help the mania. As I've written previously, <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2015/03/sad-springtime-mania-and-me.html" target="_blank">spring is a trigger for my mania</a>. All my manias, all four of them over the last eight years, have happened in spring, March to June.<br />
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Leaving Kentucky further worsened the mania. The flight was delayed, causing me to miss my connection in Charlotte, NC. There were hold ups at the airport and hotel. When I finally got to my hotel room it was after midnight. I had to be to the airport at 7am, so I had to be on a 5am shuttle. I only slept three hours that night. This was Sunday March 15th. Sleep, like spring, is also a huge trigger for me. I knew I was in trouble. I made an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist and acupuncturist for that Monday, March 16th. My psychiatrist increased my meds and told me to let her know if I still wasn't sleeping. My acupuncturist tried to bring the mania down. This session was my most intense acupuncture session in the two years I've been receiving treatment. I cried during the entire session. From the pain of the needles - I never cry from the needles, they're not very painful, for the most part, but the mania had me emotionally sensitive and physically sensitive. Each needle was incredibly painful. I talked through most of the session, explaining to my acupuncturist that I did not want to be manic. I lamented the fact that every spring for the last three years I had been manic (and also hospitalized). I wrote how the gospel song <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2015/03/music-soothes-me-withholding-nothing.html" target="_blank">Withholding Nothing</a> was extremely cathartic for me. I listened to it on repeat during my treatment. After this emotionally draining session I felt tons better. Calmer.<br />
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The next few days I slept three to four hours per night. Then, Tuesday night/Wednesday morning I slept an hour, at 6am on Wednesday morning. I was up all night on the computer. Being hyperproductive. Researching and writing. I knew I was in trouble after I woke from the one hour of sleep. I don't drive, so I text five of my closest family and friends asking for a ride to the hospital. It didn't occur to me to call an ambulance. Even though I had seen my psychiatrist two days prior, I knew that the mania had progressed too quickly, too fast for her to treat me outpatient. I either needed IOP (intensive outpatient program) or a hospital stay.<br />
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Even though I was in the throes of a heightened manic episode, I had enough sense to pack my hospital bag: loose fitting, comfortable clothes; underwear; toiletries; notebooks; and my bible. My mother returned home, my aunt, who I text for a ride, must've called her. When I woke I knew my mom wasn't home, but I wasn't sure where she was so I didn't think to text her for a ride. But my mom is the one who took me to the hospital. My aunt met us there.<br />
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The ER visit was pleasant enough. Since it was still early in the morning (in the past I've gone to the ER in the afternoon or evening) I didn't have to wait in the ER that long. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the process for a mental health hospital stay. But first you go to the Emergency Room. They have a crisis counselor assess you: they ask you a bunch of questions about your behavior, mood, and drug use. If you were accompanied to the hospital they also talk to your family member or friend, to get another perspective on your behavior and symptoms. The crisis counselor might also talk to your providers (therapist or psychiatrist). Next, a determination is made: inpatient (hospital) or outpatient (a few days per week of intensive therapy, but you get to live at home). It was decided that I'd be hospitalized.<br />
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Once I got to the behavioral health unit, it felt like returning to a second home. I hugged the nurses that I knew from my three previous hospitalizations. I updated them on what had been happening since my last hospital stay, only 10 months prior.<br />
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I don't remember much from the first few days. But the salient memories for me from this hospital stay are:<br />
<ul>
<li>I really liked my psychiatrist. Every psychiatrist I've had while hospitalized has been great.</li>
<li>The food is always really good. But it took me about an hour or so to eat each meal. When I'm manic I'm easily distracted. I'll do anything but eat: talk to another patient, talk on the phone, wander around, etc.</li>
<li>I didn't get many visitors this time. I normally have at least one visitor per day. I don't know if people were busy with their own lives and concerns or had conflicting schedules or no babysitters or whatever, but for whatever reason, less people visited me. It snowed one day while I was there and no one showed. I cried. I was on the phone calling everyone trying to find someone to come visit me. Understandably, people did not travel in the snow to come see me.</li>
<li>I was supposed to be discharged on a Friday. That morning the psychiatrist told me he was concerned that I was only still sleeping three to four hours per night. So he was going to keep me until Monday. Three more damn days. I cried hysterically at the news. So instead of 10 days, I was hospitalized 13 days. This would be my second longest hospital stay. My longest stay was 17 days. To give you some perspective, most people stay, on average, 5 to 7 days. I doubled that number. It is incredibly hard to be "locked up." Meal times are scheduled. Computer and phone time, your links to the outside world, are rationed. Visiting hours are only two hours per day. You can't have any technology: phone, laptop, tablet, iPod. And your expected to attend group therapy and process why you're there in the first place. Plus, you can't go outside; there's no terrace or courtyard we have access to. So 13 days is a long ass time.</li>
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Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6395428024501625980.post-28140481585790648402015-09-26T14:29:00.001-04:002015-09-26T14:36:08.477-04:00Food, Part 2My blog is about my life, living and thriving (<em>not</em> surviving) with bipolar disorder. I write about my diagnosis but I also write about my life <em>outside</em> of that. There are blog entries about my hobbies and interests, my work, my writing beyond this blog, and other stuff. <br />
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But do you know what the most popular/most viewed blog entry is? It's this one, called <a href="http://manicmoniquesmeanderings.blogspot.com/2014/06/food.html" target="_blank">Food</a>, which shows pictures of various dishes I've eaten over the last two years. As of today, September 26, 2015, this entry has 1,023 page views. The second most viewed entry only has 588 page views. <br />
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You know what this tells me? You all love food porn as much as I do :)<br />
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So here's some more recent food pictures from the past few months...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfwVWiK4nv9X0mi6wW1iIc-ABWcpvO2TEJiw-suLbS3VgV8C2WLJXWiH_NrY31mOPFtM7fD4FDUDjoF-njetQ-5EdjTvLcpqo4LP7M95uND0zWGRISp9AfB-h9qAiVXLg5hCzz9KFgh0E/s1600/IMG_7942.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfwVWiK4nv9X0mi6wW1iIc-ABWcpvO2TEJiw-suLbS3VgV8C2WLJXWiH_NrY31mOPFtM7fD4FDUDjoF-njetQ-5EdjTvLcpqo4LP7M95uND0zWGRISp9AfB-h9qAiVXLg5hCzz9KFgh0E/s1600/IMG_7942.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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Chocolate mousse cake. I took my 13-year old cousin out for her birthday. </div>
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This is from <a href="http://www.dinosaurbarbque.com/" target="_blank">Dinosaur BBQ</a>.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio_gEBPlRdJKt5aL376XMiBrLqGMn-z-VkA41V5QQns6AHDIKoQs9HPedq6-gUUdGRpBI1E-QvidKJWfkug_WANo8Gw-ofd-fU5mEtCMftvT-IrD8GWRucWogCOnAXxtHlrHoo6FhlWdU/s1600/IMG_8288.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio_gEBPlRdJKt5aL376XMiBrLqGMn-z-VkA41V5QQns6AHDIKoQs9HPedq6-gUUdGRpBI1E-QvidKJWfkug_WANo8Gw-ofd-fU5mEtCMftvT-IrD8GWRucWogCOnAXxtHlrHoo6FhlWdU/s1600/IMG_8288.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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I went out for NYC Restaurant Week with a friend. We tried an Italian restaurant, <a href="http://www.abboccato.com/" target="_blank">Abboccato</a>.</div>
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This here was my appetizer, a Caprese salad. It was really good!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9GBHgYDmUCvSi9JMhO5C58Ygy_GIiVX_BLtTbzi7LMf1YSZITk5WjWhA0PM3OncPJPyJB5Pn-iYu6oO7we6W7HXV81sLCy7lClU3gRI3yUWE4lyQq41uRkRhpevZXqM1_uZRmyvtQDDE/s1600/IMG_8290.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9GBHgYDmUCvSi9JMhO5C58Ygy_GIiVX_BLtTbzi7LMf1YSZITk5WjWhA0PM3OncPJPyJB5Pn-iYu6oO7we6W7HXV81sLCy7lClU3gRI3yUWE4lyQq41uRkRhpevZXqM1_uZRmyvtQDDE/s1600/IMG_8290.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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This is also from Abboccato. My dessert, a streusel. Also very good! </div>
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However, I wasn't too impressed with my entrée. I ordered steak.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg38mJiJt2td9papMinLEp3WFx9mtUCKTOjGgWduOAirH8GxbP1YUFZoKlUtTGLb3-bne45-d6xlTxqHpssVdLBZ2S1GKg-sdac5I2iiiiUwnotE_Uih1Z1er3sh-YjCWh6v0Zr6QZpjM/s1600/IMG_8313.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg38mJiJt2td9papMinLEp3WFx9mtUCKTOjGgWduOAirH8GxbP1YUFZoKlUtTGLb3-bne45-d6xlTxqHpssVdLBZ2S1GKg-sdac5I2iiiiUwnotE_Uih1Z1er3sh-YjCWh6v0Zr6QZpjM/s1600/IMG_8313.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Brunch! I had a date not too long ago with two girlfriends. </div>
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We went to brunch at <a href="http://toastmontclair.com/" target="_blank">Toast</a> and visited the <a href="https://www.montclairartmuseum.org/" target="_blank">Montclair Art Museum</a>.</div>
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On the table you see carrot cake pancakes, red velvet pancakes, scrambled eggs, and home fries.</div>
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All very delicious! I highly recommend this spot.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaGpWRUsZSmWbozIbMtvufrWwVBHd2Tz3bN1J8BsIzoWSWzwMpgLjnZVB6CLNrCL1vkd9sRb6iTXS8ElBkl85yT09JSs87T8WEMpVZpOTe9nG10PBUfq_EpTtxdAIwQt_oEKpTtOEefic/s1600/IMG_8392.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaGpWRUsZSmWbozIbMtvufrWwVBHd2Tz3bN1J8BsIzoWSWzwMpgLjnZVB6CLNrCL1vkd9sRb6iTXS8ElBkl85yT09JSs87T8WEMpVZpOTe9nG10PBUfq_EpTtxdAIwQt_oEKpTtOEefic/s1600/IMG_8392.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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My boyfriend and I had a date at <a href="http://rusticocooking.com/" target="_blank">Rustico Cooking</a> for a pasta cooking class.</div>
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I had my birthday party here a few years ago and we all had a blast, so I had to return.</div>
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This was my first time making fresh pasta and using a pasta machine (I have no idea what it's called).</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitRGqWLIjCewfFtTgY3xZ49Mm2RFXN6bhFvMSoZNPDsDwFZfWde_naFdWcfX0XDnq0UeUk0jbEvrZviP1IMsBsX2yjONoEcLTStbLof6kt7CWRgGW4Y10kWzA2hS1CzvUhbjfL0IPD5L4/s1600/IMG_8393.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitRGqWLIjCewfFtTgY3xZ49Mm2RFXN6bhFvMSoZNPDsDwFZfWde_naFdWcfX0XDnq0UeUk0jbEvrZviP1IMsBsX2yjONoEcLTStbLof6kt7CWRgGW4Y10kWzA2hS1CzvUhbjfL0IPD5L4/s1600/IMG_8393.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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Me using the machine to turn the pasta sheets into Tagliatelle pasta.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRgnYxVY2FQyPBohzwbSZAwboga5sfKTzZP3TYVBj3cBm5KnUpOZ7jVxJLYjIJ5TVBNlQ3PVtMUGmL1vobCx-tGrWAU8plR5ibIEAtPvnxWwXl9tRih2aRvLS7nihYdwJUnACykTSMCmc/s1600/IMG_8508.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRgnYxVY2FQyPBohzwbSZAwboga5sfKTzZP3TYVBj3cBm5KnUpOZ7jVxJLYjIJ5TVBNlQ3PVtMUGmL1vobCx-tGrWAU8plR5ibIEAtPvnxWwXl9tRih2aRvLS7nihYdwJUnACykTSMCmc/s1600/IMG_8508.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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In March 2015, I attended the <a href="http://www.whiteprivilegeconference.com/" target="_blank">White Privilege Conference</a> in Louisville, Kentucky. </div>
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It was my first time in KY and I loved it. This is from <a href="http://www.bristolbarandgrille.com/" target="_blank">Bristol Bar & Grille</a> in downtown Louisville. </div>
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I ate crab cakes for an appetizer and for the entrée I had Thai shrimp stir fry.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxUSH150b-5FKH8tVXu167gMjYJ_D2FtanA7MIpiwkkhjuz6jE8v2-cVzMwa4KuIbHflWBdYuJChlOnsqGHAxBDmO-ZGiAm5Xp10C-_6YOugnbk_lB8Sil9xzeti8NPU3_b8HvImwdD1o/s1600/IMG_8671.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxUSH150b-5FKH8tVXu167gMjYJ_D2FtanA7MIpiwkkhjuz6jE8v2-cVzMwa4KuIbHflWBdYuJChlOnsqGHAxBDmO-ZGiAm5Xp10C-_6YOugnbk_lB8Sil9xzeti8NPU3_b8HvImwdD1o/s1600/IMG_8671.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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Lately, I've become obsessed with fresh fruit and veggie juices. This is from <a href="https://rejuvenatejuicebar.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Rejuvenate</a>. </div>
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I forget what fruits and veggies were in this one.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipmUxCjwifyXwJIHVQ6aAKjVpPsRDdiui1Z3JzUohPOYQ7yjOs2t7lZO5kecLQSgBGFKyX8hDS1eoQbzgwcqL3uxZQvHs29f8FhG2g3h1SLgTQ8G53pmccEN50xrO9OaZF_1YF_bY5Kns/s1600/IMG_8771.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipmUxCjwifyXwJIHVQ6aAKjVpPsRDdiui1Z3JzUohPOYQ7yjOs2t7lZO5kecLQSgBGFKyX8hDS1eoQbzgwcqL3uxZQvHs29f8FhG2g3h1SLgTQ8G53pmccEN50xrO9OaZF_1YF_bY5Kns/s1600/IMG_8771.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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Here's another fruit/veggie juice and a yogurt granola parfait from <a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz/juice-caboose-summit" target="_blank">Juice Caboose.</a> </div>
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The juice is called Juice Appeal and is made of carrots, spinach, and apple.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxtxE9AbCvwPEQwV3-IYl-qhSxrBRLbIjsslQhiBGCzdKCN_5wQUdxHQdUwNilRnH_QPkCtAf9fZtBVXAHdTxJi6japsxQWHbIOahCSbPovSnuM1bWL_sCqk6f_BSIN6qZJjp1BxBHqqI/s1600/IMG_8787.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxtxE9AbCvwPEQwV3-IYl-qhSxrBRLbIjsslQhiBGCzdKCN_5wQUdxHQdUwNilRnH_QPkCtAf9fZtBVXAHdTxJi6japsxQWHbIOahCSbPovSnuM1bWL_sCqk6f_BSIN6qZJjp1BxBHqqI/s1600/IMG_8787.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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My boyfriend has turned me on to <a href="http://www.yelp.com/biz/mannas-restaurant-new-york-4" target="_blank">Manna's</a>, a soul food spot in Harlem. </div>
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Here's my favorite combo from there: jerk chicken, sweet corn, and rice & beans.</div>
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In the corner is a Jamaican-style ginger ale; this was my first time trying it, it was good.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo-DeMdVyT7aHHso_-DtnasxD7T0dC2GuWblrghAPOrCQrkm1MMAiA6ZSRHWz6v5NHmveMDacGqsP8tlzACm_rH-o-hnNWha21qugsOGA4l0DTzRq3Zgp-VUgc0FUkXtB-DMVk-2qdvFA/s1600/IMG_8870.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo-DeMdVyT7aHHso_-DtnasxD7T0dC2GuWblrghAPOrCQrkm1MMAiA6ZSRHWz6v5NHmveMDacGqsP8tlzACm_rH-o-hnNWha21qugsOGA4l0DTzRq3Zgp-VUgc0FUkXtB-DMVk-2qdvFA/s1600/IMG_8870.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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My grandmother was a great soul food cook. But she died while I was a teen and not much interested in cooking. Not many in my family can cook like her. But my mom tries. Well, this meal really hit the spot! My mom made ham, collard greens with smoked turkey, baked macaroni & cheese, yams, and Red Lobster biscuits. I don't eat ham so she bought me chicken from KFC. I think of this as traditional Thanksgiving food, and I love it!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj059nPGrjviAYfzVER9zomkXMa7nZryV9dnbNqkaOAmYit8ewIET2A78P9sUo6Kfk2UbBii-ujcUZkos7J_3Z7Oufj-KG39VMKGyb1HSvqzrqbrxNaimWry8Lbek7idebew0mywZEglKE/s1600/IMG_8933.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj059nPGrjviAYfzVER9zomkXMa7nZryV9dnbNqkaOAmYit8ewIET2A78P9sUo6Kfk2UbBii-ujcUZkos7J_3Z7Oufj-KG39VMKGyb1HSvqzrqbrxNaimWry8Lbek7idebew0mywZEglKE/s1600/IMG_8933.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Here's another girls' lunch date. This time at <a href="http://dukesnewark.com/" target="_blank">Duke's Southern Table</a>, a fairly new restaurant in downtown Newark, NJ. Starting in the upper left hand corner and going clockwise: jerk chicken lettuce wraps; macaroni & cheese, yams, collard greens, and garlic sautéed string beans; blackened whiting sandwich and fries; and smothered turkey wings.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9ca2tvVJ2-Cg6RvKJlD_YZwdDVcFNEPelhp7E3Kzhq0iGbNaiGT-5q971y0lj8mkNNTmaxzYgbdhKjyBK4VkNoQuveF0XdncxyJkf1Z-TpBniO4z1y8wrr6XP2G58l8usNTgddHLv-Rc/s1600/IMG_9002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9ca2tvVJ2-Cg6RvKJlD_YZwdDVcFNEPelhp7E3Kzhq0iGbNaiGT-5q971y0lj8mkNNTmaxzYgbdhKjyBK4VkNoQuveF0XdncxyJkf1Z-TpBniO4z1y8wrr6XP2G58l8usNTgddHLv-Rc/s1600/IMG_9002.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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I am obsessed, obsessed I tell you, with the steel-cut oatmeal from <a href="http://www.jambajuice.com/" target="_blank">Jamba Juice</a>. </div>
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I add in brown sugar, slivered almonds, and sliced bananas. </div>
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I believe you can choose from about a dozen toppings. You get to choose two toppings, </div>
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and have to pay for any additional.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsTe8_0mvcafG04OlHTvi1rAOAk89JALy2TWQXctmpeOoEoM-zi7yDhTmcAblFihi5ahcbAHLSU73-EZNqB1lIGvmuj7HGhAKreErenrz_WmPw6puvzsTAiLFmm9HMs-I-zoDMK8jQDoE/s1600/IMG_9049.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsTe8_0mvcafG04OlHTvi1rAOAk89JALy2TWQXctmpeOoEoM-zi7yDhTmcAblFihi5ahcbAHLSU73-EZNqB1lIGvmuj7HGhAKreErenrz_WmPw6puvzsTAiLFmm9HMs-I-zoDMK8jQDoE/s1600/IMG_9049.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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My mom and I went to NYC for a TriBeCa Film Festival showing of a <a href="http://pitchfork.com/news/58739-mary-j-blige-documentary-to-premiere-at-tribeca-film-festival/" target="_blank">documentary</a> on Mary J. Blige followed by a concert by the artist. The show was phenomenal. Before the show though, my mom and I had <a href="http://chipotle.com/home" target="_blank">Chipotle</a> burrito bowls. I'm kinda really into the corn, so I always get extra. Bet you can tell which one is mine.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyPF3iPEcW-mPdQYQk3mO7qKR5khWELQ0w71q2NKWzE6Iocgfquuf56lnrewzKNXtKHn2W-8oRFcAtYsEE4ev-7WMW582R7UEELaZdR_2mIece4r9ca0k5D9l-2dqfwGiBVAxh3OzXb_I/s1600/IMG_9211.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyPF3iPEcW-mPdQYQk3mO7qKR5khWELQ0w71q2NKWzE6Iocgfquuf56lnrewzKNXtKHn2W-8oRFcAtYsEE4ev-7WMW582R7UEELaZdR_2mIece4r9ca0k5D9l-2dqfwGiBVAxh3OzXb_I/s1600/IMG_9211.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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I like to eat, but I'm not that adventurous when it comes to trying new dishes. I stick to what I know. I had a lunch date with a friend at <a href="http://summit-thaicuisine.com/" target="_blank">Summit Thai.</a> I ordered the pineapple fried rice with chicken. My friend ordered a Thai tea. It sounded good, so I tried it too. It's really milky and sweet, but delicious. You should try it if you like either tea or milk.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7OEWckBMfwIu-s_Ly31y0mUosLQjraj6mwEgt0_KzVm9aJ5-aYdpejXrA14eCn45N1tSOL1zCfh8xAo6clkOe0poSJ2aiNck3-gfGlXgAlepn6yw7BRUugB3FjbODQaIYjJNXVl7W6xQ/s1600/IMG_9221.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7OEWckBMfwIu-s_Ly31y0mUosLQjraj6mwEgt0_KzVm9aJ5-aYdpejXrA14eCn45N1tSOL1zCfh8xAo6clkOe0poSJ2aiNck3-gfGlXgAlepn6yw7BRUugB3FjbODQaIYjJNXVl7W6xQ/s1600/IMG_9221.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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This is the Acai Berry Bowl from Jamba Juice. I wanted the oatmeal, but this particular location doesn't serve it, so I figured I'd try the bowl. In it is acai, bananas, blueberries, strawberries, soy milk, almonds, and honey. It was good. But it was a bit too cold. I think their refrigerator settings are too high, that, or they keep the ingredients in the freezer. One of the strawberries was frozen, so the freezer hypothesis is likely.</div>
Manic Moniquehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05236994590134997149noreply@blogger.com0